Why After You Makeup With a Bully They Start Bullying Again

June 14, 2010 • Contributed by Roni Weisberg-Ross, LMFT, Corruption / Survivors of Corruption Topic Practiced Contributor

"All cruelty springs from weakness." —Seneca, 4BC-AD65

In that location are those who say that bullying is behind all forms of violence, conflict, persecution, abuse, harassment, discrimination, and prejudice.

The death of Phoebe Prince in 2010, a 15-twelvemonth-old Massachusetts girl who hanged herself after beingness harassed by a group of students from her school, puts a spotlight on bullying among teenagers. And in fact, there have been many notable cases of teen bullying, on and off the Internet (i.e., cyber-taunting on Facebook) that come to mind when we think of bullies.

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Even so, it isn't just children and teenagers who bully. Although it may non be as obvious, or as easily identifiable, developed bullying may be more than widespread. "Independent research suggests that bullying is happening to around 1 in 4 people" (from "Life Afterward Adult Bullying"). Bullying impacts many of us, regardless of our age.

What Is Bullying?

Bullying is defined as "an human activity of repeated aggressive behavior in order to intentionally injure another person, physically or mentally" (Wikipedia). Information technology is characterized as behaving in a way to proceeds power over another person. And it is a form of abuse. I would advise that if yous rephrase the descriptive action from "repeated aggressive behavior" to "taking frustrations out" on those who are weaker or different, bullying becomes a much more commonplace and identifiable act. In fact, it is pervasive.

There are different types of bullies and different environments in which they proliferate. There are exact bullies, physical bullies, serial bullies, gang bullies, cyber bullies, subordinate bullies, unwitting bullies, piece of work bullies, sadistic bullies, and psychotic and sociopathic bullies. There are bullies at work, at dwelling, in schools, in governments, in religious organizations, on the Cyberspace, and in social cliques.

What Kind of People Bully?

Usually people with depression self-esteem and a sure corporeality of unconscious resentment (envy, jealously) that pushes the bully to projection their own feelings of inadequacy onto you while denying that anything is wrong with them. Not all bullies are serial bullies. Sometimes the average person loses it nether pressure and takes out their feelings in a bullying way. Simply regardless of how or why it is happening to yous, information technology is not acceptable.

What all bullies have in common is the use of power to satisfy one's ain psychological shortcomings. Each time a cracking moves against someone weaker, he/she feels improve about themselves for an instant. Just because that feeling doesn't last, they do information technology again and once more. Sometimes the bully appears to lack insight into their own behavior (unwitting bully), but more than often the smashing does know yet elects to ignore the moral and ethical considerations by which the majority of people are bound. The rules don't apply to them. Or they have projected then much self-hatred on the other that they truly believe that those they are bullying deserve exactly what they are getting.

Why Are At that place So Many Bullies in Society?

1 of the reasons bullying is so prevalent is because virtually bullies commit non-arrestable offenses. And so bullying becomes unconsciously adequate. It's an outlet–a way to limited–frustration and/or rage.

In that location are adult bullies nosotros can easily identify. Hitler was a groovy; racists are bullies. Parents and older siblings have been known to corking. Certainly, gang members bully. Merely what about those who threaten, shame, or intimidate y'all into doing things you don't really want to do? Information technology happens to most of usa, and when it does, we are existence bullied. Even when it comes from a person or institution that you love, respect, admire–your government, your church, your significant other, a family fellow member, a professional colleague. Sometimes in that location is a fine line between harmless coercion and harmful bullying. But you tin feel the difference. Y'all know when you are truly ambivalent and open to being talked into something versus when y'all are being pressed confronting your better instincts, wishes, or values. And if you are beingness bullied past more than than one person (i.e. an organization or group), it is even more difficult to stand upwardly for yourself.

More insidious and pernicious is the blazon of bullying that has less to do about forcing yous to exercise something and more to exercise with "putting yous in your identify"–minimizing or fifty-fifty destroying y'all in order to make someone else feel better nigh themselves. People do this consciously or unconsciously because of a hole inside of themselves that they try and fill by being better than someone else. Information technology gives them a sense of ability and authority in the globe that they may not otherwise experience. It is a way to externalize their own feelings of insecurity, inferiority, and/or rage by putting those feelings on someone else and then attacking them.

Some bullying is and then subtle that you actually believe the bang-up. They make y'all feel unsure of yourself; bad about yourself. They can even do it in the guise of friendship or love. Information technology becomes more of a mind game than an outright violation. Only it is bullying just the aforementioned. We will not be able to rid the world of bullies, but nosotros can learn how to stand up up to them.

How Do You Stand up for Yourself to Stop Bullying?

Starting time and foremost, recognize what is happening and recall that it is the dandy who has the trouble, not you lot. Unless they are physically threatening you, bullies are "newspaper tigers." If you stand up up to them calmly and confront their behavior rationally while asserting your rights, they volition back downward. If you call them out on their actions, they usually have no place to get–specially if others are witness to these actions. You don't have to attack a smashing; you simply have to calmly and self-assuredly stand up for yourself. You don't want to give them reason to escalate by engaging in a heated or emotional way. You may exist thinking that this sounds easier than it would actually be. Then offset slowly. If you tin can't immediately stand to a bully, at least don't play into their beliefs by trying to gratify them.

Permit the swell know past your reaction that you lot are not cowed and quietly walk away. Call up nearly what you want to say and either talk to them later or wait until the next fourth dimension they carry that way so call them out on information technology. Bullies don't have whatsoever existent power one time they realize that you won't engage in their game. Once you have exposed them; they volition fade abroad.

© Copyright 2010 by Roni Weisberg-Ross, LMFT - West Fifty.A. Psychotherapy Group. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org.

The preceding commodity was solely written by the author named higher up. Any views and opinions expressed are non necessarily shared past GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns almost the preceding commodity can be directed to the writer or posted as a comment beneath.

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Source: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/adult-bullies/

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